Life is Terrible: Let's Talk About the Web

It’s been known for years that JavaScript is a dangerous, unholy language that is banned in 27 countries and most fine restaurants. In this talk, I will use deeply personal and completely biased examples to describe why I hate JavaScript, and why you should hate it too. I will then provide additional reasons why the entire web stack is a thing that should not be tolerated by moral human beings. I will describe some of my futile research efforts to make web browsers moderately less the worse thing ever. Time permitting, I will also unify quantum mechanics and general relativity.